Can't Sleep

I wonder why (passport perhaps?)... I keep thinking of how life will be different when we get back. I keep going through what the Lord has taken us through to get us to this point. We have done a lot of growing and maturing - our children have, too. There have been so many challenges.

As I reflect back on what we have done and what we have been through here in Haiti, it seems that only recently we have really begun (only begun) to understand what it means to trust in God and turn it over to Him. There are points when we succeed and points when we fail. The points when we fail seem to be when, as we have heard our home pastor say, we listen to ourselves instead of preach to ourselves. We have our feelings and thoughts on what should be happening and whether or not those "things" that should be happening are based on facts, averages, normal happenings, or whatever does not matter. We need to move beyond listening to ourselves complain or even reason about our circumstances and move to what the Bible tells us.

It tells us to be patient. It tells us to trust in our Lord God. If we ask, seek, and knock, he will answer. It tells us that He will give us our heart's desire if we follow and trust Him (i.e., if our heart's desire is to follow, trust, glorify Him).

The last one is one place (just one of many) where I think that we may have gotten lost many times. We feel that, just like some people at a stop sign in the States (an observation that we have made many times), if you have sat waiting there long enough it's your turn to go regardless of what is coming up. It's not about us and it's not about what we know. God knows far more than we can ever know. He sees beyond what we see and He does not always (often?) show us what is coming up and why/how it may be better for us (and sometimes [mostly?] it is not even about us).

I think that we have failed on numerous occasions to rest, trust, and know that God has purposes in circumstances and it is not our way nor in our timing that things be accomplished. Of course this is always easier to say near the end of very long journey. I hope that next time we (I) go through a significant trial that is this much of a challenge (our biggest yet) that we see and realize these critical observations sooner and that we can do much better.

We have certainly achieved growth in our walk and this is one lesson that was well taught by having to go through a significant trial. We have learned things that we did not expect to learn that have nothing to do with adoptions or Down syndrome.

As I prayed and hoped at the beginning of our journey to Haiti, I hope that others have grown in their wisdom and knowledge of Jesus through the trial and circumstances that he brought us through. To God be the glory!