Another blow to the orphanage occurred last night. I checked Tina’s email and saw a note from our agency director that stated she is resigning her position. Now, in another agency this may not be a big deal. But with our agency, there are (were) two directors and that’s it. One knows Africa (Ghana) and ours knows Haiti.
My mind is going through the possible scenarios of not finding another director anytime soon all the way to finding director right away and merely having a period of learning before things are caught up to speed. In the first scenario, it could get as bad as the orphanage being dissolved (which isn’t unrealistic) in which case the question becomes “What will happen with Lou?”
Additionally, this morning Tina and I were talking about missions and I was feeling overwhelmed with a sense of being lost. When the leader is leading somewhere (along a difficult road, in this case) and the leader suddenly looses his sense of direction and, perhaps looses sight of the goal (if he even had it), the whole group under that leader is in trouble. They all don’t know how to get back to where they started. They all don’t know where they are going. Since they don’t know where they are going, there appears to be no reason to head one direction vs. another.
I am re-evaluating the original purpose of going to Haiti. If I don’t get caught up in feeling depressed and having a one-person pity-party, I think I can come to a conclusion. Let me think as I type:
All along I have said that Lou is our son. He feels like our son. The (roughly) two weeks that we spent with him have resulted in a great bond. As I have stated before, if Kayla or Carter were in Haiti alone, we’d be doing anything and everything to go to them and help them. If they weren’t being taken care of medically, not being fed enough, not being fed good food, not given encouragement from others, we’d have dropped EVERYTHING and been there already. It is no different with Lou. I want to be with our son taking care of him.
Now that being said and being completely separate, I have an interest in finding out what it means to be a missionary. I have no issue leaving all that we have here and taking a long, extended “vacation” and finding out what missionary life is like. This is good for me and my whole family. I believe that it is God honoring, I believe it is not sin and I believe that it is the best path I can think of right now for my family (my family includes Lou every time I mention it from here forward).
That brings up a question. Does going to live with missionaries for a year and letting the Lord lead a person’s future direction make a person a missionary? Are we missionaries by going to Haiti for a year? Perhaps. Perhaps not. We are going to help at the mission in anyway we can while we are on “vacation” as a family. I am willing to do this on my own dime. The Lord has blessed us with finances and I pray (and believe) that this is a God-honoring way to use some of those finances. Christ Jesus is our treasure and it is Him that says we are to take care of the orphan, to take care of the down-trodden, to take care of widows. At what point does someone officially become labeled as a missionary? Frankly, it doesn’t matter how I am labeled. If as the leader, I feel that I am following God, call me what you want, but I will continue to follow Him.
I think all this partially because I am trying to determine how we fit into Bethlehem’s Nurture Program. Should we be approved as “missionaries” and sent by them before we go? I see great value in their designed process and requirements for being sent. I am beginning to realize that our decision and timing is independent of the Nurture Program. I see us starting to work on the Nurture Program and that process will take 3-4 years…oh… AND we’ll also be going to Haiti for a year in the middle of working through the program.
Still thinking while I type, I am beginning to get a sense of direction and am beginning to realize the value in having time to sit and think – something that I haven’t had for at least one and a half to two weeks. Tonight I will get more time.
OK, so here is a summary of my thinking. The prioritized reasons for going are: 1) Following Biblical principals by a) taking care of Lou, b) helping out the needy by helping out at the mission, c) determining our place in spreading the gospel in world missions (specifically Haiti).
As I typed that list, I had things numbered 1, 2, 3 but realized that a, b, c were not separate from number 1 but rather a subset of number one. This is further confirmation that I believe that I am on the right path.
It was my friend Greg that really taught me that I should be leading my family. Being a leader is not easy. Knowing that you are on the right path and heading in the right direction has not been easy for me. I haven’t seen or had much experience in that type of leadership to draw an understanding from.
My mind is going through the possible scenarios of not finding another director anytime soon all the way to finding director right away and merely having a period of learning before things are caught up to speed. In the first scenario, it could get as bad as the orphanage being dissolved (which isn’t unrealistic) in which case the question becomes “What will happen with Lou?”
Additionally, this morning Tina and I were talking about missions and I was feeling overwhelmed with a sense of being lost. When the leader is leading somewhere (along a difficult road, in this case) and the leader suddenly looses his sense of direction and, perhaps looses sight of the goal (if he even had it), the whole group under that leader is in trouble. They all don’t know how to get back to where they started. They all don’t know where they are going. Since they don’t know where they are going, there appears to be no reason to head one direction vs. another.
I am re-evaluating the original purpose of going to Haiti. If I don’t get caught up in feeling depressed and having a one-person pity-party, I think I can come to a conclusion. Let me think as I type:
All along I have said that Lou is our son. He feels like our son. The (roughly) two weeks that we spent with him have resulted in a great bond. As I have stated before, if Kayla or Carter were in Haiti alone, we’d be doing anything and everything to go to them and help them. If they weren’t being taken care of medically, not being fed enough, not being fed good food, not given encouragement from others, we’d have dropped EVERYTHING and been there already. It is no different with Lou. I want to be with our son taking care of him.
Now that being said and being completely separate, I have an interest in finding out what it means to be a missionary. I have no issue leaving all that we have here and taking a long, extended “vacation” and finding out what missionary life is like. This is good for me and my whole family. I believe that it is God honoring, I believe it is not sin and I believe that it is the best path I can think of right now for my family (my family includes Lou every time I mention it from here forward).
That brings up a question. Does going to live with missionaries for a year and letting the Lord lead a person’s future direction make a person a missionary? Are we missionaries by going to Haiti for a year? Perhaps. Perhaps not. We are going to help at the mission in anyway we can while we are on “vacation” as a family. I am willing to do this on my own dime. The Lord has blessed us with finances and I pray (and believe) that this is a God-honoring way to use some of those finances. Christ Jesus is our treasure and it is Him that says we are to take care of the orphan, to take care of the down-trodden, to take care of widows. At what point does someone officially become labeled as a missionary? Frankly, it doesn’t matter how I am labeled. If as the leader, I feel that I am following God, call me what you want, but I will continue to follow Him.
I think all this partially because I am trying to determine how we fit into Bethlehem’s Nurture Program. Should we be approved as “missionaries” and sent by them before we go? I see great value in their designed process and requirements for being sent. I am beginning to realize that our decision and timing is independent of the Nurture Program. I see us starting to work on the Nurture Program and that process will take 3-4 years…oh… AND we’ll also be going to Haiti for a year in the middle of working through the program.
Still thinking while I type, I am beginning to get a sense of direction and am beginning to realize the value in having time to sit and think – something that I haven’t had for at least one and a half to two weeks. Tonight I will get more time.
OK, so here is a summary of my thinking. The prioritized reasons for going are: 1) Following Biblical principals by a) taking care of Lou, b) helping out the needy by helping out at the mission, c) determining our place in spreading the gospel in world missions (specifically Haiti).
As I typed that list, I had things numbered 1, 2, 3 but realized that a, b, c were not separate from number 1 but rather a subset of number one. This is further confirmation that I believe that I am on the right path.
It was my friend Greg that really taught me that I should be leading my family. Being a leader is not easy. Knowing that you are on the right path and heading in the right direction has not been easy for me. I haven’t seen or had much experience in that type of leadership to draw an understanding from.
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